It’s not always easy
Today I was reminded of many things when it comes to handling calls. I had call that I can’t discuss. The blue wall of silence is real and hitting it today was like running into a brick wall. I wasn’t part of the responding units but I had to make sure those units could get from point A to point B. Emotions were high and I have to admit I was a mess of feelings. So what happens when you can’t discuss it?
I came home today and hugged my family. I can’t get words out of my mouth to describe how I’m feeling, at least not verbally. I’m frustrated that I can’t have the outlet for the emotions taking over. I’m relieved that all of the responding officers made it home today. I’m angry at people who chose not to listen to me when I instructed them to stop at a stop sign. I’m angry that they were self-centered and thought their business was more important than an emergency.
What really matters
My first thought when everyone walked away from the call was one of relief. Relief that those responding were okay. They got to go home to their families tonight and hug their children. My anger at the person at the stop sign was warranted but frivolous. It wasn’t as important as the lives of the responding officers.
The realization that everyone went home opened the floodgates though. It opened the floodgates of stress and a barrage of what ifs. There is no room for what ifs at the inn. Turn them away at the door.
It’s okay to let the emotions go or so I keep telling myself. Bottling things up isn’t healthy for relationships. I’m writing because I can’t talk about what happened and emotions won’t come out in verbal tones. What matters most is everyone made it out okay. The day is done and we can only learn from it, get up tomorrow and do the same.